When It Doesn’t Come Back
Without other people who are highly sensitive in their lives, HSPs can end up feeling frustrated and alone.
Having deep insight into others can be fun, useful and rewarding. However, it gets painful when others aren’t able to do the same in return. Reciprocity suffers and relationships can break down over time.
The beginning of wisdom for people with HSP is to understand that other people don’t have the same tool box in terms of emotional awareness, or “noticing and caring.” It’s not that that non-sensitive people don’t care as much. The point is that they can’t. Evolution has designed their bodies to approach life in a different way.
A Different Design
People come in all kinds of different designs. If we need something from a high shelf, we ask a tall person to reach it for us. If we need something from a tight space, we ask someone with a small hand to grab it. This is a part of life and part of the joy of our interconnectedness. If we want our community to win an athletic competition, we need an athlete who is the best at that particular sport.
There’s no shame in claiming one’s power as a person with high sensitivity. The physiology bestows certain abilities. There’s no arguing that.
As people with highly sensitive physiology, we have been given this gift at birth. For most of us, noticing and caring is not something we have to work at. What we long for however, is to have someone notice and care about us with the same skill and depth that we give to others.
The HSP Connection: Finding Reciprocity
What is the HSP connection? HSP connection is simply recognizing that people with highly sensitive physiology need to spend time with each other.
There has been a lot written about “love languages” and “men are from Mars and women are from Venus.” However, I have yet to see any literature addressing the importance of sensitive physiology as a dimension of relationship health.
The fundamental principle is the capacity for true reciprocity may be severely limited between two people who don’t share the same physiology. Accepting this and letting go of unrealistic expectations can be a great relief.
Having at least one relationship in one’s life where there is a true “HSP connection” can be a well that nourishes and facilitates the other parts of the person’s life. The challenge then, becomes finding other people with highly sensitive physiology and incorporating them into one’s life.
This website of course is built to address that challenge, whether the need is for friendship, connecting with other parents, or looking for a romantic partner.
This website may help you develop HSP connections in your life. However, here are a few things you can start doing right away:
- Start noticing who in your life might have highly sensitive physiology, or be an “HSP.”
- If you’ve thought of your sensitive physiology as a problem, up until now, start trying on the idea that your body is designed by nature for a specific approach to life.
- If you can’t immediately find anyone in your life who is an HSP, you can join this site and connect with other HSPs online. And while online relationships can be helpful, we strongly encourage real world, face to face relationships. You can develop those over time.
To put it simply, sensing what’s going on with others, and caring about it, comes naturally to the person with high sensitivity. Nature has designed highly sensitive physiology to work this way. For this reason, a person with HSP tends to make a good partner, parent, friend, or even co-worker.
A Note about Highly Sensitive Physiology
Highly sensitive physiology can bring with it certain health and wellness challenges. In addition to facilitating connections and relationships between highly sensitive people, HSPconnection is also focused on publishing extensive resources addressing the various challenges associated with highly sensitive physiology.
- Bianca P. Acevedo, B., Aron, E., Aron, A., Sangster, M., Collins, N., & Brown, L. (2014) The highly sensitive brain: An fMRI study of sensory processing sensitivity and response to others’ emotions. Brain and Behavior, 4, 580-594.